September/October

After my intercourse with Pedro, I feared I was pregnant due to the fact that I have missed a period. I'm afraid that I will now have to cancel my engagement to John now that I am no longer a virgin. These thoughts clouded my mind while I prepared the bread for King's Day. This recipe brought back memories of Nacha and Gertrudis. As I cooked the bread Rosaura approached me and asked me to help her. She has been having troubles digesting her food, which is causing her to have bad breathe, gas, and its making her over weight. John has prescribed her a diet plan but she came to me for extra advice. I told her I would help her, and the fact that she now trusted me enough to come to me for help killed me. Guilt ran through my body like you would not believe. I felt terrible. And it made me feel even worse when she started telling me how her and Pedro's marriage was suffering. No sooner then Rosaura left the room did Mama Elena's spirit come in and haunt it. She scolded me and cursed mine and Pedro's unborn child. That night at the King's Day party, Gertrudis came back to the ranch. I was over joyed by her return and we spent the rest of the night talking about her new life. With Gertrudis back i feel like she is the only one I have to talk to, and so I tell her about what happened with Pedro. She tells me to tell him about the pregnancy. When I told him he was over joyed and he wanted to run away with me, but then he remember about his family and had to rethink, Neither of us were sure about what to do. Mama Elena's spirit showed up that night, scolding me once again. I lashed out at the spirit telling her i hated her and i always have. These harsh word seemed to have got ride of her. Something odd happened, and I let out a fireball of heat that found its way to Pedro and set him on fire! everyone rushed over, but when I was the only one he called to for help Rosaura ran away in humiliation and I was left to care for wounded Pedro. Soon after that, Gertrudis leaves the ranch, and John returns that same day. I was so excited to see him, but i was dreading telling him the news..

August

As upset as I am over Mama Elena's death, I am also happy I am now free from her. I'm am extremely excited about marrying John, however the birth of Rosaura's second child, Esperanza, is taking my mind off it a little. Pedro wanted to name the child after me, but I refused and named her Esperanza, which means hope. I figured this child would need some hope since she technically is Rosaura's second child, which means she would have to take on the task that I was sentenced to. Rosaura's birth was very difficult which meant she was to stay on bed rest, and I was to take care of Esperanza. I raised her the same exact way Nacha had raised me, because once again Rosaura was unable to breast feed. I can tell that this clearly made Rosaura jealous. Later Rosaura announced that she was going to follow tradition and make Esperanza take care of her until she dies. This announcement made me mad like I've never been before. And so I started preparing the meal for when John came over to proposed to me. It probably didn't help that I was furious while cooking this meal but I couldn't help it. Finally Chencha returned, which gave me a break from cooking and time to prepare for John's arrival. I jumped in the new shower outside and closed my eyes to try and escape. When I noticed the water change and get extremely hot I opened my eyes to see Pedro standing there, watching me intensely. I quickly ran in the house and changed for John's arrival. At diner, John asks Pedro for my hand in marriage, since he is the only man of the household. Pedro says yes, unwillingly. And then John turned to me and gave me one of the most beautiful diamond rings I've ever seen. He left for America that night to get his only living aunt so she was able to attend the wedding. I was in the kitchen cleaning up when Pedro came up to me saying nothing. All he did was take me aside into the room off the kitchen and he made love to me...

July

After being in depression for so long, the only thing that was able to cure me was food of course. Chencha visited from the De La Garza ranch and brings me ox-tail soup. After taking my first bite it brought back memories of the time I spent in the kitchen with Nacha. Instantly I began to cry, and so did Chencha. As for this was the first recipe I remembered since my breakdown. I asked Chencha to relay a message to the ranch when she returned. I asked her to tell them that I wasn't to return to the ranch. After Chencha left, John proposed to me and I was actually really excited to begin my new life with him. However, before Chencha was able to return and give the message to the ranch she was raped by bandits and Mama Elena was attacked while trying to defend her. Hearing this I returned to the ranch to care for Chencha and Mama Elena, and carefully prepared the ox-soup the had helped me out of my depression. Hoping that it would help make Mama Elena better, but she rejected it. She refused to let me take care of her, saying she was embarrassed that the child she disowned was trying to take care of her. I prepared this dish with so much love that I was sure that it would help her. But she was convinced that I poisoned it. She no longer trusted me with her food, and only allowed Chencha to prepare it for her. There was one time when Chencha was out and I secretly prepared her food for her, but with one taste she knew it was me. This upset Mama Elena and caused her to fire Chencha. Since she was unable to find someone to replace Chencha I ended up cooking for Mama again. No matter how many meals I prepared for she still couldn't get the thought that I was poisoning her. Within a month Mama Elena died, due to her over dosing on ipecacs. Ipecac is a pill she would take when she feared she was being poisoned by my food. As much as Mama Elena hurt me and for as much harm she put me through I was still extremely upset over her death. While dressing her for the wake I discovered a set of keys that I wasn't exactly sure what they went to. I later discovered that they went to a box, that contained a bunch of love letters. It appeared that Mama Elena was in love with a boy but was forced to marry another. Ironic that she was in some sort of the same situation as I am.. At the funeral I decided I was ready to take John as my husband and love him, however my love for Pedro will always be.

June.

I miss Pedro and Roberto terribly. But with the help of Dr.Brown I slowly recovered from my ill state of mind. I slowly started to get used to my new life away from the ranch and from Mama Elena over time. I actually started liking Dr.Brown's house. I felt welcomed and safe there. There was something that would visit me daily that made me feel safe and comfortable, it reminded me of Nacha. I wasn't sure what it was at first, but I eventually came to the conclusion that it was a spirit. John's house was very fascinating and I found interesting things all over it. Although I didn't talk much to John and kept to myself for the most part, we seemed to have developed a bond. We started to spend allot of time together as days went on and he even shared a recipe to make matches with me. He told me that the theory with this recipe is that an inner fire burns in each person. Even though John and I have developed a bond, I still wasn't talking to him. This apparently bothered him, cause he then asked me to tell him why I wasn't talking. John gave me a glow stick to write my reason. When he came back he saw what I have written.. and after writing this I feel like I may be moving closer to freedom. I don't think I'm going back with Mama Elena.

April/May

Rosaura gave birth to her first son the other day, Roberto. And as weird as it is, I have allot of love for this baby. I'm working o a meal for baby Roberto's baptism, and Pedro walks in. We stared at each other and the communication between our eyes made my love for him return. A couple days earlier, Mama Elena ran to the market to get supplies for Rosaura's unborn child and Pedro went to the village to get a doctor. While everyone was gone, Rosaura went into labor and I was the only person there. Mama Elena and Pedro both got help up and were unable to make it back in time, which left me to deliver my nephew. I had absolutely no idea on how to even begin delivering Rosaura's child, until Nacha's voice began to guide me like she was giving a recipe. In the end, with the help of Nacha's voice in my head, a beautiful healthy baby boy was brought into the world. The doctor, Pedro and Mama Elena all eventually returned and they praised me for my good work. However, Rosaura was not feeling the greatest, the birth took allot out of her. And during it she had suffered an attack of eclampsia which could have killed her. This urged Mama Elena to ask the doctor if he would be able to do daily visits. It didn't take long for us to realize that Rosaura was unable to produce milk for her child. Mama went out immediately and found someone who could nurse the baby, but the woman was killed shortly after. Mama Elena couldn't find anyone else to nurse the baby, so I took on the responsibility. I tried feeding Roberto everything, but he just wouldn't take anything other then breast milk. After hearing him cry and cry I gave him my breast just to use as a pacifier, and to my surprise he was actually getting milk. I was an unmarried woman with no kids and I was able to produce milk, yet Rosaura could not. It was bizarre, but I liked it. Pedro walked in one day and saw me doing this, therefore it helped me get close to not only the baby but also Pedro. For mine and the baby's sake, Pedro helped me hide this from everyone else. However, it wasn't long till Mama Elena thought something was going on. She arranged for Pedro, Roberto, and Rosaura to move out to San Antonio. She said that there was better medical care out there for Rosaura. Hearing this, I was crushed. I couldn't stand the fact that I was going to be separated from my nephew and Pedro, both whom I love. After they left, I lost all interest in doing what I was supposed to do around the house. I started growing very fond the pigeons and doves we have on the ranch, since there was no one else I could talk to. I would go out and sit with them instead of actually doing what Mama Elena wanted me to do. After our ranch was invaded by the federal troops, and they took most of the doves and pigeons with them, I was left with absolutely nothing. Mama Elena had taken some of the most important stuff and stored it away so we would have somethings left after the invasion. Since I had no one or nothing to talk to, I guess you can say I went into depression. And on top of all this, we received word that Roberto had passed away because Rosaura was unable to provide food for him. When Roberto passed away, I felt like I lost one of my own children. When Mama Elena scolded me for mourning the death of my nephew I lashed out on her and told her it was her fault. Even faster then I could get the words out of my mouth Mama Elena struck me across the face with a wooden spoon. She hit me with suck force that me nose was broken. This action put me in an even deeper depression before, and I went into almost a state of acoma. When Mama Elena saw me like this, she sent me away to an asylum with Dr.Brown. Before I left Chencha gives me the bedspread I have been crocheting..

March

With Nacha gone, I was best qualified of all the women in the house to fill Nacha's spot in the kitchen. I was more then pleased to be named the official ranch cook, in spite of the sorrow I still felt from loosing Nacha. Honestly, Nacha's unfortunate death put me in a deep depression. It felt as if I lost my real mother. The day I got named ranch cook, Pedro thought it would be nice to bring me a bouquet of roses to celebrate. Unfortunately, Mama Elena and Rosaura both saw this, and it put them both in rage. Rosaura, being extra emotional because she was pregnant with her first child, ran off in tears when she saw this. Pedro ran off after her, realizing what he did wrong. I was left there with the roses in my hand. I knew what I had to do, I had to get rid of them somehow. But I didn't want to put them in the trash because they were from Pedro. At that moment it felt as if I heard Nacha telling me a recipe in my ear. The recipe was quail in rose petal sauce. Everyone sat down tense for the meal. However, the quail seemed to have some kind of effect on everyone, especially Pedro. He took one bite and couldn't help but to close his eyes in delight and tell everyone it was ".. a dish made for the gods." Mama Elena didn't like this. But I noticed that the food seemed to affect Gertrudis in a weird way. She began to sweat and imagine things, and her whole body spelled like lovely roses. I sat on the patio that night after diner washing the dishes and saw her getting ready to take a shower. The heat from her body ended up lighting the shower on fire, and she ran frantically away naked still. Then I saw some guy on a horse come and pick her up, and they ran off. It was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. She never came back after that..

February

Today I was told I had to help Nacha make Rosaura's and Pedro's food for their wedding, along with the wedding cake... boy was that a smack in the face. We're making capons because Mama Elena wants to impress everyone with not only the taste of the bird but also all the hard long work that had to be put into the preparation. With everything going on right now and with everything that was running through my head, I shook while I worked. I thought I was the only person to know this, but apparently not cause Mama Elena came over and asked me about it. With one look at my face she must have known because she slapped me and sent me flying. After that action I was furious, I beat the cake batter with such force that we were almost done when I lost it.. as Nacha was cracking the second to last egg I could have sworn there was a baby chicken in it. I screamed and caused a scene and what not, and it ended up there was nothing in the egg. I couldn't tell you what happened to me that day, maybe I am going crazy. I was finally able to let it all out while finishing up the cake batter, which took longer then it should have due to the fact that it wouldn't thicken because I was crying over it. After the batter was done me and Nacha had to make the filling for the cake. The filling called for preserves, and luckily me and Nacha had made a ton of jars ahead of time. Remembering the day we made them made me remember something else.. I went out to get the fruit that day and ending up having to carry it in my skirt, because I forgot my basket. I walked into the kitchen with my skirt held high and was shocked to run straight into Pedro. Because I was startled i drop some of the fruit, which Pedro bent down to pick up. With that he saw the part of my leg that was exposed and I quickly dropped my shirt, along with the rest of the fruit that rolled onto his head. I apologized, and Pedro said he would like to explain himself. I dismissed him, and left the room. He has hurt me enough and plus i didn't want Mama Elena to catch me talking to him.. After the filling, we made the icing. Nacha had to finish it, because I wasn't able to see clearly from all my crying. The day of the wedding i wanted nothing more then to switch places with Nacha. I not only had to attend the wedding ceremony, but I also had to hide my emotions. At the ceremony I was able to hear the conversations between the guests. Each comment the guests made I felt like a stab in my back. However, I did not care for them at all. I put on an act, like a great actress, and thought about anything other then the wedding. My mind wandered back to my great triumphs. Like the one when i was nine and I played hooky with some boys from school. I was so proud that day. Or the day when I was fourteen and I stopped the out of control horse carriage. I received a heroines reception. These little memories are what got me though the wedding with a fake smile on. After the wedding, I congratulated both Rosuara and Pedro. Pedro was much closer to me at that moment then he was supposed to be and he quietly whispered in my hear that he would be happy because he has gained the chance to be near me, the woman he really loved. These few words from him gave me hope. Mama Elena saw this from a distance and she quickly came over, telling me if she ever saw me by Pedro again I would be sorry. The cake was later served and for some reason it seemed to have affected everyone in a negative way aside from me. Every one started vomiting and Mama Elena was convinced that I put something in the cake to spoil the wedding on purpose. There was nothing I could do to convince her that I didn't put anything in it. That night Mama Elena had beat me like she never beat me before and I ran home to Nacha, only to find her dead on the floor with a picture of her fiancee in her hand. With Nacha gone, I was now alone.